However, before you do anything drastic, you may want to look at things a bit differently. You have a hunch that something isn’t right, and that’s worth listening to: if you don’t feel desired in a sexual relationship it can be utterly demoralising (I get dozens of letters about this every week), and there’s no reason to put up with this if that’s what is happening, or if this is how the relationship makes you feel.

I am very troubled and need to know if he wants me. He mentioned early on that he separates “sexual desire” or “sex” from “emotional connection”, which left me aghast: the feeling of being in love, for me, is deeply bound up with sexual and emotional intimacy. When I raised the idea that he might not be sexually attracted to me, he flipped out, saying I lacked tact.